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Friday, February 11, 2011

Negation of Self, Desolation of Soul

Lately, I have had a lot of thoughts about what the typical family life is and was like for the average White Gen Y. The bulk of my growing up was in the faux-boom of the 1990s, the last misleading spark of a dying era and civilisation, leading into the mild delirium that was the 2000s. My family was a fairly regular demographic blip on the radar: Ranging from between lower middle, middle, then to slightly upper middle class, mostly established within suburbia, caucasian, with two children, a boy and girl.

If there's a ying and yang in a family's siblingry, I was always the more quietly introverted and perceptive to my elder sister's explosively extravagant extroversion. Of course, both of these have these strengths, but, judging from my and others' experiences, I think there's a tendency towards older sisters resenting younger brothers for the parental shift of attention, the female ego not taking kindly to a new entrant soaking up all of her deserved affection and praise. In other words, having a younger brother is prime breeding ground for a ball-busting cunt.

The strategy of parenting for my full-time working Baby boomer elders was first and foremost, appeasement and distraction. Raising kids was more of an errand to run or delay; plomp him in front of the TV, distract him with video games and action movies, send him off to play a variety of sports he's shit at (and the dad can watch them, and latter boast of how much he hated it but went anyway, so you owe him). There I was surprisingly well behaved for most of my early years, considering how marginal of a punishment I would probably get, but I took to the Western ritualised routine of self-subduction eagerly. In that sense, I embraced the treasures of the depersonalised, self-absorbed materialist world of the consumer. A want unsatiated is just a product away.

As my sister and I grew older, the inter-generational differences became more noticeable. A juxtaposition of baby boomers' detached, greedy idealism and Generation Y's whimpering, near-instinctual desolated nihilism.

I always got the impression I was some kind of obstacle to my dad, a pothole in the road to swerve around, or some street constructions to cross the street from. My old man was the epitomy of the dejected Baby Boomer who embraced a token, perverted representation of the 1960s idealism, fantasies of bohemian Hippydom and smoking weed, and then onto the crack pipe of status and greedy materialism, which in the end, consumed and destroyed him. I learnt one thing from my old man that I think we can all learn from baby boomers, do not let your own decadence or escapism control and ruin your life, because it will. It's certainly doing the same to our society.

My mother was the opposite, an absorber of retarded Oprahian ideals of "the power of love"; unpragmatic, a force unto itself, deluded self-esteem boosting, a dereliction of reason and sense, an unhinged maternality unleashed in a world where true femininity is regarded as an unrestrained raw female emotion.

My parents owned a business which propelled them to financial comfort and then compensated their and our lifestyles consequently, soaking in the consumer, status worshiping lifestyle as a part of themselves, their being.
But then, the whole facade of prosperity came crashing down. Borrowing to pay for new cars, profit diminishing, lifestyle downsizing, and eventually going bankrupt once the house of cards collapses in a new, failed venture. The status driven neo-yuppie Baby Boomer who faces this massive shock to their ego and lifestyle will do one of two things: Break down and disintegrate (father), or take the blows, slow down, and eventually learn and adapt (mother). Either way, once you have that lifestyle, more than likely you will continue to submit to that religion. Especially when you lose it.

Things got worse, I got into a serious fight with the old man, who followed suit by calling the police on me to get me arrested and nearly put in jail, kicked out of home at seventeen without any world-weariness, money and few friends to turn to. A dozen or so separations and re-unions later, my mother followed suit, and slowly rebuilt her life, getting a cushy government job. My old man is the same place he's been for the last five years; unstable, unemployed and a perennial victim.

A few miscarriages later, my sister eventually had a baby with her boyfriend, and then, following suit of my parents, split up and re-united a couple times, only to settle at shared custody in the end. If anyone is holding out any hope for Generation Z, you won't find any optimism from me, the coddling, placating and self-absorptive tendencies of our generation's single mothers leaves much to be desired.

In a sense, my family history is more or less a representation of what plenty of the Young White Male of our times has to face, largely. It may not be as up and down and unstable (or it may be plenty worse), but the trend is consistent: a family with a detached or/and weak father, and an overbearing, over-represented mother, whom society embues with the "You go grrrl" idealism of post-feminist doctrine, all contributing to create an individual disconnected from his world, but on fire inside.


Anonymous said...

Striking how much similarity there is in at least the personality constitution of that narrative with my own. My father died with bleeding stomach ulcers from alcohol, living in the room above the garage in a house on Nassau island in the Bahamas, that he once owned after having won it in a divorce settlement with my mother. He was happy in his delusion, taking to heart Mark Twain's words about the only men that are truly happy are those that imagine themselves to be kings or gods; he chose the former. Saddest thing was he was the only one in my family at that time that really could see what was happening to the world. Entertainment was the only way to escape facing that horror. Even though he died with money in the bank and all debts paid, he still lived like an old beach bum, content to spend time at favorite bar talking to the Bahamians about his imagined military exploits. They knew it was made up but they never argued, just kindly accepted the fantasy as a means to avoid a less exciting reality. Honestly I appreciate them indulging him. There was no point doing anything else by that time. Once your certain that you've been on the battlefield with Napoleon, you might as well stay there.

My mom and sis are also similar to the portrait you paint of your own. My younger sis is awesome though. I love her. She works her ass off but if she makes $60,000 she spends $65,000, and so on. No children though. She'd have made a wonderful mother if it weren't for her need that everything be perfect and her job wont let her stay in one place, and I can't imaging the debt she'd be in if she had a child. My older sis has kids and a husband that is a great provider but she is blinded by leftist ideas and is the archetypical leftist-style-argument case. If it doesn't sit with her ideals , it is wrong. It just is. I dont hesitate to warn her that her own dear children , who she genuinely loves and does a wonderful job raising, would nevertheless be made into victims of blame and hatred in the world she envisions. She seems they will be exceptions to that blame and hatred for having her as a mother, with all her liberal ideals.

My mother sounds much as you describe yours to be in terms of the 'power of love' and emotional indulgence to the extreme. I see how this 'you are what you feel' thing has caught so many people. It hurts when I see what it has done to my own family , how it's taken away their survival mechanisms to such an extent.

Anonymous said...

My brother sees things much as I do, and is doing ok, though he is far more emotionally charged. At least he is honest about it all. The problem from a big picture point of view is only one of my siblings have kids. They all have good genetics but only one has kids, and she is the most unrealistic about the world. A single generation of dys-functionalism, even in the presence of enough money, has turned a once thriving legacy into one with veritable hangers-on.

I have no high ground to stand on. I work but an income that would be enough to support a family is still some years off, if things go at least ok. My youth was not so desperate or disadvantaged as you describe yours to be, and I am grateful for that. I never say I had it rough in my youth as a result of anything other than my own decisions. I know enough examples like your own that keep me in reality check on that, and I only blame myself for shortfalls because I had more than a few chances to do more that were never exploited for their real potential. I count myself lucky even further for not having made a good girl go as bad as I tried to several times. My prognosis is good overall. Other than being late to the family thing already and not sure when I'll catch up, I'm doing better than most, so I count my blessings often.

Still I hear that firewind you speak of inside, that disconnection from a world that puts mind over matter to an unforgivable fault; as in it takes idea over physicality to it's own destruction. I also know how this has been engineered and encouraged.
I hear the din of the fire's gale.

Those who have engineered this virtual world, this unreality complex, this massive mind fuck, should be watching those beneath them. They have made it impossible for their own posterity to go anywhere but down, far and fast. They are old enough to be close to not seeing any more of it unfold but their children are not so insulated by time and will be in far more devastating circumstances, inheritance not withstanding.

"We are like the living dead, sacrificing all we have, with a frozen heart and a soul on fire".

Johnny Dissidence said...

The problem from a big picture point of view is only one of my siblings have kids. They all have good genetics but only one has kids, and she is the most unrealistic about the world. A single generation of dys-functionalism, even in the presence of enough money, has turned a once thriving legacy into one with veritable hangers-on.

This is the biggest problem. Familial neglect (or over-saturation, or a combination of both) combined with media propaganda and high numbers of non-Whites has created and is creating a generation of Whites with a framework of circumstances that ensures a gradient of less and less fertility and children per generation. I've heard that a lot of people hold up their parents' wealth and prosperity as a benchmark for their own. If that's true, society is gonna have a surplus of disappointed and aggravated Whites.

I figured a lot of Whites males can relate to both our tales as the narrative has a common motif, in part engendered by the very real leftist political movements we are ideologically opposed to; Feminism, egalitarianism, maternal universalism, marginialisation of the father in society and media, self-gratification as a means unto itself. These are things a lot of our people can agree on, and that transcend class lines. The stability of a more traditional society was traded out and subverted for destructive political agendas by our so-called leaders.

I don't know about you, but I've encountered (and feel this strongly) a lot of resentment for Baby Boomers as a generation. I have little if any common ground with this generation, and I don't know if they can shoulder the blame fully, but their reluctance to hand on the reins of power to the next generation, their implicit involvement in wholehearted embrace of Western destruction, and most of all, their complete detachment, ignorance and anti-survivalist pride in the matter.

Anonymous said...

I certainly resent baby boomers any more than I resent the previous generation, which is not so much far as resentment, far more in terms of disappointment at their naivety and complacency. Their children were even more guilty of both, by far. I could say that at least as far as the US went, things really started down the wrong path in the mid 19-teens, but that it was the FDR era, and the generation that supported him that did the most to set the US on the wrong track globally and permanently, but the following generation certainly went beyond the brink with it. Of course you are seeing it from a different vantage since American history is not the yardstick for everyone.

All made the mistake of believing pleasant sounding things that were impossible to produce, and which were sold to them by those that charge interest on the financing of those impossible but pleasant sounding, and for a shot time pleasant feeling, things.

As far as the birth rate things go, the situation is even worse in that even among white people that I know, the one's with the most kids are also on welfare. It's the higher IQ, better equipped to accept responsibility White people that are not having kids and for that very reason. The irresponsible are being rewarded, so that means that not only are non whites having more births and creating the problems that are associated with that demographic trend, it's also true that among whites there is more reproduction among the least qualified. None of this is good, all of this is a result of deliberate and malicious design.

Singapore pays those that have high IQ's and good academic performance record to have kids, we do the polar opposite. Now who do you think wins that game??

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